ultimatum?

Currently listening: I survived you by clay aiken
Ironic choice of song huh? I ran out of stuff to listen to. Need to go find more music.

If you're still wondering, yea. Its normal. You want to know something? At this moment I don't care if you hate me/want to drive a knife through my head. You want to blame me for everything? Fine. I know I did some things I shouldn't have done, but I'm sure as hell not accepting responsibility for EVERYTHING you threw at me.

Come to think of it, maybe you're right. This should never have happened. It. Should. Never. Have. Happened.

You keep talking of what I've done to your life, how "peachy"? Well come out of YOUR little world and look around for a few moments. You aren't the only one whose life feels like crap you know.

Whatever. You want to be left alone now. I'll do that.

Still, I refuse to live with regrets, so I am going to say it now.
no regrets no regrets no regrets no regrets.

Healing Poet

Catharsis? maybe not.

I've been typing and deleting alot of lines so far, so bear with me. This is hard to word.

I feel left out...of alot of things really. Maybe I'm just imagining it, but everyone, especially a few people, is starting to feel distant. Old friends, new friends, doesn't matter. They're distancing. and I dont like the feeling. Sometimes they feel so distant I don't know if I should even say anything at all, because I might drive them further.

I...cant help being who I am, I cant help it. Its something everyone has to live with, whether thats a good thing or bad thing I still don't know.

Its times like these when I really feel I can relate to ballads/slow rock/anything with slow heavy bass, violins and nitty gritty singing. The raw emotion that goes through each song.

Exams coming up. I should be ok with them, unless something goes horribly wrong. and not much can go wrong right?
OK.....I'm going to take a break from that. here are some great lines I've come across over time
Light draws our eyes, but shadows hold more stories
I am the one who will stay behind to pick up the pieces and make something beautiful out of them.
Many people speak through words. but a writer has to be able to make words speak for themselves.
Life's like Dark chocolate. Bittersweet

Cheers
Healing Poet

Currently listening to: does it matter? you know its gonna be a slow rock song :)

I started listening to them more and more often lately. I think it's because I'm starting to prefer the more soulful/emotional songs. So, people like (in no particular order) David Cook, Aerosmith, Extreme, Rolling Stones, The Cure, Journey, Duran Duran, Peter Gabriel, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Green day (at least that september song), Nirvana, Eric Clapton, Hinder, the Scorpions, Guns n' Roses Etc. The list goes on and on and on and on.....Oh, almost forgot poison as well. not a bad band.

Currently stuck on some songs by Michael Johns.
"Dream on...dream on...dream on...dream untill your dreams come true"

You can hear the emotion from his voice lol. I can sing abit, as in like for leisure kind of thing. but I'll admit, I will NEVER be able to sing like that.

To whoever reads this, if you want a challenging read, read "Mirror Mirror" by Gregory Macguire. Incredibly hard to read, but once you understand it you won't put the book down. Alot of great one liners in the book as well.

In a heartbeat, anything can happen
Wars can start, senses can sharpen
Peace can be made, a life can be torn
A love can broken, then reborn

Was taught (by myself) to smile all the time. I'm happy to say I can still do that :P. Go me.

Cheers
Healing Poet

time of our lives

Lyrics from "the time of our lives" by david cook. lyrics I really want to be able to say I live up to.

I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something I could believe in
And looking for that Magic rainbow
On the horizon

I couldn't see it Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive, body and soul
And feelin' my world start to turn

And I'll taste every moment
and live it out loud I know this is the time,
This is the timeTo be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I'm rising from the ashes
Finding my wings

And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

So I'll taste every moment And live it out loud
I know this is the time,This is the time to be
More than a nameOr a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

And I'm out on the edge of forever
Ready to run I'm keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud I know this is the time,
This is the time to be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.

hmm....

I've been thinking. I can play around with words all I want. I could make great writings, I mean the stuff that will be remembered years from now.

I can imagine can't I?

But whatever I write, there's always going to be that drop of emotion, that sliver of feeling that I'm not going to be able to transfer into them. Whether its happy, depressing or downright heartbreaking...I'm not that good to be able to express everything. So this post is for that drop of emotion that I haven't been able to express.

A drop of my soul that I can't write

Its always within me.

It keeps me sane when times aren't bright

Thats how it's always been.

A spoken word for the unwritten

A heartbeat for the still

The life you want that comes unbidden

and from your spine, a chill.

A shard of my life left intact

A morsel of my spirit

Kept safe from pain and hurtful facts

It whithstands the roughest grit

Cheers

Healing Poet

Its not the quality of the written word, but the qualities of the person who wrote the world.

I think I finally figured that part out.

Everyone has their own flaws, but its these flaws that makes everyone perfect in their own little way. You see, the way I see it, everyone is like one piece of an incredibly large jigsaw puzzle. we're just one part of a beautiful picture. And there's always that one piece that fits perfectly, right beside it.

Flying high on an eagle's wings
I feel it come my way
A feeling not felt even by kings
A life has formed this day

Cheers
Healing Poet
PS. I'm concerned for you. hope you're ok. If not, hope you're coping well with it. So much more I wanna say, but nothing more I can.

Chronicled and archived May 20th 2008

A new dawn, a new day rises. As the first ray of sun hits the sea, you can watch it glitter like so many diamonds are hidden in them. the light, warm but not yet harsh, washes over the landscape. It bathes the entire region in light. It creates crevices of darkness, shadows where there was complete blackness only minutes before.

I am a candle. We shine best in the dark, when all other lights have gone out.

Its official, I'm losing my mind.

I broke down last night. With everything that happened recently, I broke down. I felt like shit today. Both physically and emotionally, though the physically part only started today. Everyone said I looked like crap, but I was still smiling. Well I felt like crap as well. You know, if anyone asked me in person if I was ok, I'd always say yes, even if it was a downright lie. Well last night, everything came full circle. I buckled under the weight/pressure/emotions. It seems like everything is trying to wreak havoc on me. I need to hold out.

Last night was the first nite in over a week that I've actually slept more than 4 hours, and that's only because I was sick. Had no dreams during that sleep (thank god).

Yesterday was fun(ny) after ccn (by the way we made a profit of $6.50 -_-') went with kevon and liwei to go and meet jiayu yenling and siew yin at library where we waited for yanling huda and ina to come. already felt sick then, but still had fun, still laughed alot.
Losing myself inside
I'm not ok right now. My head hurts, and whats going on in my head hurts.
Breaking Down
You know, maybe its because I havn't been sleeping lately that I fell sick, maybe I've been stressing myself out too much. But maybe I'd be lying if i said that that was all there is to it.

I still smile. As much as I can. But truthfully, I have no idea how much longer I can smile.
STAY STRONG
Hopefully I can do that.

Cheers
Healing Poet

Tears of an Angel

In  the corner of a plain white room she crouches

Tears streaming from her eyes

Her clothes are tattered and torn like so many pouches

Her broken wings cant fly

There was a time, when she still flew, when all was well

Her wings drew strength from her heart

She watched over those who needed her care

In caring, she played her part

Then one fateful day, with clouds gray in the sky

It was gray because she was hurt

She tried to shake it off, pretend she was alright

But her tears started staining her shirt

From the sky she then fell, lower and lower

Till finally she crashed to the ground

With two wounded wings she still tried to hover

But the strength from her heart was not found

So she hid in the white room, away from all sight

just tending her broken wings

on her bed she'd lost hope, she nearly gave up

But hope is a funny thing.

She saw a shadow, standing over her form. 

She looked up with eyes so red

She stared into eyes, eyes warm like the sun

He lifted her up from her bed

In his arms she lay, her heart began to glow

Into his shirt she cried

After a time, the tears ceased to flow

and again she felt she could fly

He spent the night there, cradling her

Making sure she was alright

The next morning, he was gone, but she found a feather

It wasn't hers, and it made her feel light.

Again she now flies, the lone feather in hand

Now and again she remembers

The stranger, he's there, watching from below

With two wings he still likes to walk

Cheers

Healing Poet

Confession

Shit....I realli don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. The last few days went buy in a blur. I hope I'm not going crazy....then again, I hope so. Things would be so much simpler.

Tried to sleep again last night, got a couple of hours worth till I couldn't take it anymore. So I got up and reread I am the Messenger till first light. At least I'm still trying to sleep.

I...hope, for want of a better word, that I know what I'm doing, that I can trust myself. Because if things go wrong, if I mess up at anything, God help me.

I said I wouldn't, but I have to
I know I Shouldn't, but I want to.

Can you blame me for that? Maybe.

I tried to cope. I'm still trying, the effort is there. but I'm not sure if the results are.

Somebody show me a sign please....

Is this worth it? Yea, I feel that way. Its worth every every minute of it.

Healing Poet

Sleepless in Singapore

Great, another night with no sleep, and not because I want to stay up.

Been like this since friday, come to think of it, and its driving me off the edge.

Its hard enough with the workload we have in school. But now I have to go through with it like an insomniac

Well this so rocks.....

Healing Poet

...

Going in blind. I hate going in blind.

Another Glimpse....

Since we're on the subject of my past, now would also be a good time to tell you about another aspect of myself.

This will be a shorter post than last time.

I'm always there for other people, even though those people can't always be there for me. There's a reason for this.

My ex, back when we were still together. was always there for me. In thailand, workload was alot easier, so I was able to put in alot of effort into our relationship. As time went on though, the workload increased, and I found that at times, I wasnt always there for her, but I could always rely on her to be there for me when I needed the support.

Over time, I started slipping, and still she was there for me. She said it was ok, that she knew what I was going through, and that she was alright with it.

The thing was, I was the one who wasn't alright with it. After seeing her put that much effort into keeping our relationship alive, and seeing how much effort I put in, I couldn't bear it. It wasn't alright for me that she was the only one who was doing as much as she could.

After a year, we ended our relationship. Not because we couldn't stand the sight of each other, but because I wasnt comfortable with me just doing that much.

The day we broke up, she said to me: "I'll always be to lend an ear, I'll always be there for you, even though you're not always there for me"

Till today, we still talk alot. She's become something like a big sister (figuratively speaking, as she was only 1.52m tall) to me, and her last words she said to me have become sort of my de facto motto.


When all has gone dark, and the moon is gone
I'll be the lone candle, thats lit and found
Though the path may be gone, and the fear creeps in
I'll be right there, to guide you like your kin

I'm still there for you, even if you're not
Its all I can do, its all that I've got
Just remember, when your fire's drowned out
My fire's there, helping without a sound

Whether in the fields or behind closed doors
Whatever happens, my heart will beat with yours - Anonymous

Cheers
Healing Poet

Penny for my thoughts

I'll admit, I'm a little bit confused. I don't know what I stand for anymore. I'm not even sure of what I want to stand for. The feeling kinda sucks, but at least I'm still smiling

Someone once told me "smiles are happy things :) smile more". And I did.

These past 3 weeks or so felt more like 3 months if you ask me. It's been a rollercoaster both physically and emotionally for me. But hey, c'est la vie lol.

Cheers
Healing Poet

c:/command_execute

Post deleted on 6th May 2008, 8:15 PM



Healing Poet

How to live a life

What's a life? how do you live it?

Is a life single, or plural? I tell you now....

A life is just a heartbeat, the steady rhythm of a system operating
But how you live it...that is entirely different.


How to live a life

A life aint just single. a life is plural
You don't own it, but others help you create it.
You may think that you are alive because of life
But life, it seems, has its own heartbeat

Be good to it, and it will reward you.
And yet abuse it, and it is still willing to forgive
In often used words, you reap what you sow
It's life's mechanics. Thats how it goes.

To live a life, you must live not just for yourself
If everyone did, then this world will not connect
But if all of us, forgot about "self"
Strife would end then and there, I'm willing to bet.

to live life, one must love life, and love those in it.
life is love, and love is life. its never too late to start
a man who stands alone may live, but he is not alive.
for life when in love, gives hope to those not alive.

love me, heal me, never leave me
hold me, hug me, watch over me
keep me, help me, pray for me
hurt me, scold me, then forgive me
raise me, know me, feel for me
feed me, show me, lie with me
love me, heal me, stay with me.

Just felt in the writing mood :-)
Healing Poet

Plaza Sing

Ok, so we basically started off the day at Paya Lebar MRT. I was early by about 20 minutes (as usual), then Kevon came, then Li wei, Siew Yin. then we went to go and buy doughnuts from this place called Munchy Doughnuts, which I could have gone straight to from my house with number 10 (thx liwei), and saved some time lol.

We bought 12 doughnuts, ate 4. they were actually quite good. Then we went back to Paya Lebar to meet Huda, then took the train to Dhoby Ghaut. We waited there for a loooooong time, for Yen Ling and Karhong to arrive, which, technically they never did. oh well. we just sat near the wall and basically laughed our heads off.

Yea, so there's me laughing my head off at something I cant remember. I think Huda took that pic.

Ok, here's the story behind this chimp like photo lol. Huda had a can of instant streamers, which she sprayed at kevon's hair, forgetting he had hair wax on. so she helped to pick out all the tiny pieces out of his hair. We were all laughing and taking so many picture of this lol.

Ok, this was Yan ling's birthday baguette. since we thought a cake was too boring. notice some of the stands of the candles are different. Those are re-lighting candles. gave Yan ling a hell of a time trying to blow them out lol.

for now, thats all i can bother to upload. more to come soon :P until then, another poem to finish this post.

Mistake

I'm walking along the beach

You were walking right beside me

I leave footprints in the sand

Your footprints were next to me

Now I just stand in the sea

the water coming up in waves

You're no longer right beside me

You don't care what I gave

We used to stroll along the street

Things would catch our eye

We used to stop here and there

Why did I make you mine?

Now the streets are empty

As empty as the grey sky

papers blow down the road

They're pictures of you and I

Why didn’t I make you mine?

Cheers

Healing Poet

1st post ever

Ok, first post on a new blog. First chapter in a new part of life....TP!!!!!! lol

The old blog died...literally. i couldnt find anything to say on the last one. its almost as if it was a different me. well now things are different, though some part of me wishes things were the same. it was alot simpler back then. But it's still early. Who knows?

Accion outing is later today. Going for dinner with them. Celebrating Yan Ling's bday with the others first.

1st post, means 1st poem has to go on! Yay lol.

PS. the title for this poem was originally meant to be "Angel in Blue Jeans", but thats actually a Maroon 5 song. so i changed it.

With an angel

She has wings, she walks barefeet
She’s just in some plain blue jeans
When she smiles, the world is calm
And so am I when her hand’s on my palm

The sun has set, the moon has risen
The stars in her eyes, just like the river
Her head’s on my chest, wings folded gently
Lying on the cool evening grass, against the trunk of a tree

She can take me soaring, over the great city lights
I’m in her arms, she’s holding me tight
Her wings make no sound, the wind waves her hair
For while I fly with her, I’m in her care

Now she lies down, her head on my chest
I play with her hair, it’s a well deserved rest
I wrap my arms round her, and into me she curls
It’s my turn to care, my turn to be the angel.

Cheers
Healing Poet